My Funny Valentine

With Valentine’s Day only a week away, you’re probably wondering how you can spruce up one of the most obligatory and saccharine of Hallmark holidays. Rather than bore your sweetie with a candlelit dinner of white truffle risotto, chocolate-covered strawberries and a bottle of bubbly (so predictable), why not have some fun this year. From boudoir board games to edible body paint (ooh la la!), massage bars to eye-opening masks, here’ some sultry Valentine’s Day treats that are guaranteed to make your sweetie smile!

imageSatiate two major cravings at once with this naughty box of edible body paints. Dip the supple brush into creamy dark, milk or white chocolate-filled jars – all the tools you’ll need to create your masterpiece. Kama Sutra Lover’s Paintbox, $34.99,

imageCelebrate your burning desire for each other by stripping over flickering candlelight. The rich, warm, animalistic scent guarantees explosive results. Handi-wipes not included. Strip Votive, $40,

imageGive your honey a head-to-toe rubdown with this hydrating, heart-adorned body bar. A heady blend of jasmine, ylang ylang and sage is unleashed as soon as the bar’s exposed to body heat. Meow! Play Your Cards Right Lush Massage Bar, $8.95,

imageWhy play a traditional game of Texas Hold ‘em when you can instantly perk up his libido with this eyebrow-raising, Agent Provocateur board game. The box includes a deck of erotic cards, game chips and a book filled with guilty pleasures for the lucky winner. Condoms not included. Agent Provocateur, The Game, $21.95,

imageShow him who’s the boss with this satin, tuxedo-inspired push-up bra and panty set. While a little extra cleave never hurts, its the saucy keyhole detail on the bottoms that are the pièce de résistance. Sista Shei “Tux Deluxe” push-up bra ($80) and brief ($60),

imageBring out your inner bad girl with this satin, Marquis De Sade-inspired eye mask. For those unfamiliar with fine French literature, Marquis de Sade was an infamous writer who was incarcerated for publishing erotic prose, just like the sadistic quote on this mask! (Treat me Like the…). Marquee Eye Mask, $85,


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