WARNING! Stop reading if you’re easily offended by racy subject matter. Phew… now that we got that public service announcement out of the way, let’s get back to today’s Beauti-Fixation.
I can deal with a few stray grays on top of my head. A quick cab ride to my colorist and in a matter of hours, I’m back to my natural shade of chestnut brown. But salt ’n pepper hair down there is another story. Since I can’t bear the pain and monthly maintenance of Brazilian waxing, I now put my pubes in the very capable hands of Betty – a do-it-yourself hair coloring kit especially designed for beautifying below the belt.
Thanks to Betty’s brilliant line-up of semi-permanent shades, there’s no need to be bashful when exposing your nether region in front of strangers at the locker room. A safe and sassy way of ensuring “the collar matches the cuffs,” Betty may even spruce up your sex life. Perfect for prima donnas who can’t stomach the thought of clashing colors, as well as nudists, Betty offers an eye-catching array of au currant shades including blonde, auburn, black, brown and sunburst (a bright orange hue that comes with a sexy temporary tattoo). And for those who want to go Frenchie-style for Halloween, there’s even a flashy, hot pink “fun Betty.” Makes a great gift for special occasions such as birthdays, anniversaries and dare I say, weddings. In fact, I just bought the six-pack for a friend’s bridal shower.
You’ll also be pleased to know that each of the dyes are formulated with a gentle, no-drip formula and are free of harmful chemicals like ammonia, so you can freely spread the mascara-like applicator wand across your entire woo-woo without worrying about leakage into your sensitive areas. Just to be on the safe side, you might want to perform a skin allergy patch test 48 hours prior to use. Another bonus: you’ll only need to touch-up your triangle’s tresses every 3-4 weeks to maintain your desired shade. One thing’s for certain, now that I’ve found Betty, I just can’t help flashing my privates.
Read all about it! “SEXY MOTHER PUCKER… Lip Size Found Crucial For Sexual Attraction!” No, it’s not the front page headline from today’s New York Post, but a “cheeky” tagline emblazoned on the bubblegum-colored packaging of a lip-plumper from British-based beauty company, Soap & Glory.
With 8 kitschy bath and beauty essentials whose names were inspired by the daily tabloids, Soap & Glory just landed stateside at my fave masstige retailer, Target. Created by Marcia Kilgore, the mastermind behind Bliss, Soap & Glory is her irreverent sister line that’s half the price (nothing tops $25) and practically just as good. Meant to moisturize the masses, Soap & Glory’s mantra is that “a good laugh can take off as many years as a good lift.” Don’t let the slapstick humor fool you – these pun-filled products do indeed work.
Soap & Glory’s sensational lineup includes a stress-battling, lemon-infused bubble bath (Calm One, Calm All), a super-sized shower gel (Clean On Me), a skin-sloughing body buffer (The Scrub Of Your Life), a velvety smooth body butter (The Righteous Butter), a sexy lotion with shimmer (Glow Lotion), a hydrating hand cream (Great Shakes) and an almost edible sugar, shea butter and peach-infused body polish (Flake Away). My personal favorite is Sexy Mother Pucker, a tasty trio of tingly lip-plumping glosses that actually smell like chocolate – something missing from the captions on the box. After layering Super Starry (shimmery clear) on top of What A Melon (sheer pink), I came pretty close to having Angelina Jolie’s sought-after bee-stung pout. Regardless of what you slather on, Soap & Glory is sure to keep you smiling.
After spending Labor Day transitioning each of my three closets (two for clothes and one strictly for my beauty booty) for the fall season, it occurred to me that I’m in serious need of a makeup overhaul. Rather than hoard dozens of tubes of red lipstick and lengthening mascara (they usually expire long before I get to use them anyway), I’ve decided to purge my stash and simplify my life with just a few of the season’s must-haves. Now if only I could downsize my wardrobe? Yeah, right.
Witchy black nails are out and automobile-like chrome shades are in. My fave new hue is Creative Nail Design’sHyde In The Dark ($6) – a glitzy, gunmetal that looks gorgeous on short, squoval-shaped nails.
A punchy red pout instantly brightens-up your face and your mood. I’m hooked on Lipstick Queen’s Red Sinner ($18) – a shade so intense, it almost makes me want to go to confession!
WOW – a blush that does double duty for the eyes and face! With The Balm’sHot Mama, there’s no reason to look pasty white, even when the mercury dips. This pretty pinky-peach hue acts as highlighter for the lids and adds a splash of color to the apples of the cheeks.
When it comes to lashes, burgundy is the new black. When I want my peepers to pop, I swipe on several coats of Kitten Vixen’sEye Put A Spell On You Bewitching Burgundy volumizing mascara ($24). Plus, the flip side doubles as a liner for lids. Can you say Cleopatra?
Put down your pencils! Goof-proof liquid liner is where it’s at for back-to-school. Try Tarte’s double-sided Indelible Wink ($22) liquid formula (use the flip side as a matte shadow) for sultry, smudge-free cat eyes. Even sneezing won’t leave you with those dreadful Amy Winehouse wing tips.
I’ve always been a sucker for the latest hi-tech gadgets, whether it be a BlackBerry Pearl, iPod Shuffle, HD DVD and even makeup. From talking eye palettes to plug-in spray foundations, who could have predicted that technology would actually improve the way we beautify our faces every day. That’s right, it’s no longer enough for lipstick to merely paint your pout – it must also be fun and multi-functional. Among the latest of these cosmetic gizmos is Go Light On My Lips, a new line of gloss that comes equipped with a battery operated light and built-in mirror.
Unlike most of the crap you typically find on infomercials, Go Light On My Lips really works and is a brilliant way to shorten your time spent primping. Elena George, a makeup artist to the stars, came up with this bright idea so that busy gals can glam-up their lips on the go, ensuring a smudge-free Cupid’s bow. Cool and compact, Go Light On My Lips is perfect for touch-ups in dimly lit lounges, movie theatres, taxis (no more Joker grins!) and those unexpected emergencies (remember the New York City blackout a few years back?). A must for road trips, Go Light On My Lips could even save your arse should you suddenly find yourself with a flat tire on the freeway after midnight. Simply twist off the tube, click the button on the cap, et voila… the applicator wand instantly illuminates like a flashlight.
These goof-proof glosses are available in a 5 knockout shades ($19 each) including Red Carpet (a hot fire-engine hue), Chili Spice (a shimmery copper), Poppin’ Pink (a sheer glaze), Invisible (a clear gloss), Brown Sugar Baby (a glitzy bronze) as well as a lighted black mascara ($24). And if you’ve got cash to burn, you can even encrust your very own case with Swarovski crystals for a mere $250. Gimmicky packaging aside, Go Light On My Lips glosses are loaded with nourishing vitamin E and jojoba oils to keep your smooch shiny and super supple. Buyers beware: better not lacquer your lips compulsively after dark. Once the light on the cap blows, that’s it… the batteries aren’t rechargeable.
Whenever I head to the cosmetics counter for a makeover, I can never replicate the same sultry look at home. While I’ll admit I suffer from selective hearing, it’s just that I simply forget all those detailed application steps the makeup artist says to do. Even those fancy color-coded face charts don’t help. But that was before I discovered Stila Cosmetics’ talking compact – a clever 4-pan eye palette that literally talks you through every step out loud. With the simple press of a button, I can now recreate those smokey eye looks I love… without the fear of looking like Krusty the Clown.
More than a gimmicky gadget, Stila’s Smoky Eye Palette is like having your very own professional makeup artist on call… minus the ’tude and hefty bill. Simply flip open the silver lid, press the tiny button inside and a tongue ’n cheek fifty second voice recording from a Stila makeup artist plays, guiding you through the 5-step application process, along with recommendations on what brushes to use. Should the battery conk out, there’s even a handy manual with pretty illustrations and expert tips. Even the compact itself is covered with an eye-catching hologram that winks when tilted forward.
Girly packaging aside, you’re only paying $38 for four of-the-moment shimmery shades including base (an icy champagne for the entire eye area), slate (a silvery gray for lids), kettle (a dark gray contour shade) and ebony (a smoky black brown for lining inner rims). Just be prepared to splurge on the three “suggested” Stila brushes, since they’re sold separately from the kit. You also better add your name to Sephora’s waiting list (the last shipment sold out in 2 weeks) if you want to snag a speaking palette when the next delivery arrives in September.
A fun and futuristic way to wear makeup, Stila’s speaking eye palette gives new meaning to the term “beauty talk.” As my recently turned 40 year-old friend Ellyn said, “What’s next… a compact that tells me it’s time to get a facelift?”
WARNING! Stop reading if you’re easily offended by racy subject matter. Phew… now that we got that public service announcement out of the way, let’s get back to today’s Beauti-Fixation. 
